Soul Ties

Well, welcome to Bridge Gospel, everybody.
Good to see everyone.
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All right.
So I hope you guys had a great week.
It's been a very interesting week here.
We've had a lot of different interesting challenges.
We've had leaks here.
We've had a lot of resistance.
And sometimes those things kind of, you know, kind of get to you.
They kind of get to you.
But what would really kind of bother me the most is I was kind of dealing with a difficult relationship.
And I was kind of thinking to myself, you know, what it would look like if you ever watched yourself,
you know, repeatedly getting yourself into something that you know that's destructive.
Or if you've seen somebody else who continually engages in activities that continually destroys them,
even though they know if they go there, it's not going to work out well.
And I don't go on Facebook very often.
I usually go on there just to manage some accounts or whatever.
But I happened to be on there for the first time in like six months.
And I saw a post from somebody I hadn't seen in like 20 years.
And I'm thinking, wow, I wonder what this gal is doing.
Is somebody I knew in grade school?
And I remember this gal.
She was an orchestra.
She was in choir.
She was a part of the church.
She did theater.
I mean, this gal was like, cool.
I couldn't hang out with her because I was a dweeb.
I mean, I'm kind of still a dweeb.
But she was so cool.
And I always wished, man, I could just be like her.
Seemed to have a good family.
Seemed to have kind of everything together.
She was good in school.
But I looked at her post and I was a little horrified.
She said, well, number four is done.
And I guess hopefully number five is better.
And what she was talking about was she was going through her fourth divorce.
And I'm thinking to myself, not with judgment, but with compassion, what happened?
You know, for a girl who seemed to have the best hand of cards when she started out in life
to end up losing the game, it just felt kind of hurt.
I'm like, what happened?
And it just, it really bothered me.
And so I kind of was asking myself, and maybe it's something we need to ask ourselves.
You know, why do some people remain in relationships and patterns they know are destroying them,
while others seem to establish these healthy boundaries?
What's going on here?
Well, the Bible gives us a few examples, and we're going to look at those today.
And our first example is something that you wouldn't expect.
We talk about soul ties, and if you ever heard the term soul tie, it usually goes into something
that's negative.
Soul ties are bad.
They're harmful.
Well, they don't have to be.
Soul ties can be very good things.
They can be very fruitful things.
And so we're looking at our first passages in 1 Samuel, chapter 18, verses 1 through 4,
and it says this.
When David had finished talking with Saul, Jonathan and David became bound together in
close friendship.
David loved, Jonathan loved David as much as he did his own life.
Saul retained David on that day and did not allow him to return to his father's house.
Jonathan made a covenant with David, for he loved him as much as he did his own life.
Jonathan took off the robe he was wearing and gave it to David along with the rest of
his gear, including his sword, his bow, and even his belt.
So this is a very interesting picture.
This is a very strong friendship.
It's not just a friendship.
It's kind of like a marriage, but platonic, you know?
But this is a bond that was very tight.
It was a covenant bond.
And a lot of times, the only covenant that we ever enter is with a marriage, but this is
a covenant between two men in a platonic relationship.
There's a lot of things going on right here.
And this bond continued as King Saul, Jonathan's father, was plotting to kill David.
It continued on.
And it continued on as David went into the strongholds of the desert to evade Saul.
And so here's what we learned from this relationship.
It produced four things.
The first thing that it produced, it produced protection rather than possession.
It produced protection rather than possession.
You see, David wasn't using Jonathan for his own gain.
He wasn't trying to make it so his life was better.
No, Jonathan, he had a lot of authority.
He was the son's, the king's son.
And he had a relationship with the king.
And he could talk to his father.
And he could reason with his father.
David didn't have that relationship.
And David could have used that to his advantage.
But he never did.
In fact, David did the opposite.
He continually spared Saul's life multiple times.
And God honored David for that.
He honored David for that.
The second thing about this relationship that was interesting is it produced sacrifice rather than exploitation.
See, Jonathan never exploited David.
And he could have.
He could have gained favor with his father by telling Saul where David was.
Because Jonathan knew where David was at any given time.
Because if you've got to think about it, Jonathan was next for the throne.
He had every reason to think, well, if I can get David out of the way, after my father, I will be the next king.
But he never manipulated David.
He never manipulated him by threatening his location.
And see, you see that that relationship was beneficial to both of them.
And Jonathan risked his life for David because Saul could have harmed him for what he did.
But Jonathan didn't care.
The next thing this relationship produced was loyalty without demanding that David disobey God.
He never once asked David to do something that was outside of God's will.
See, each one remained together.
They remained loyal under God's law and under God's promises.
And like I said, David could have killed Saul multiple times, but David refused to touch God's anointed.
That was the command.
He said, God was very clear about that.
That this was God's timing.
And even though that anointing on David was already there, David already knew he was going to be king.
He knew what was happening.
Here he is stuck out in these desert strongholds.
And it's exactly what you would imagine.
We're all desert people.
We know what it's like out there.
It's not great.
Imagine being stuck in caves and rocks.
There's nasty bugs and critters that want to kill you.
This is where David was residing.
It was not a good situation.
Getting rid of Saul would have solved that situation, but he didn't do it.
And so instead, David remained loyal to his promise to Jonathan.
But that's not really where it ended.
David, because if you keep reading in the story into kings, you realize that when Jonathan was killed in battle, David continued to take care of his offspring.
He had a son, Mephibosheth, and that was a disabled son of Jonathan.
And what he did was he continued to let Jonathan's son eat at the king's table.
Long after his relationship with Jonathan was no longer favorable.
That is loyalty.
That is a good soul tie.
And finally, the relationship produced encouragement in God rather than dependence apart from God.
1 Samuel chapter 23, starting in 16, it says,
Then Jonathan, son of Saul, left and went to David in Horesh.
He encouraged him through God.
That's key.
He said to him,
Don't be afraid, for the hand my father Saul cannot find you.
You will rule over Israel, and I will be your second in command.
Even my father Saul realizes this.
When the two of them had made a covenant before the Lord, David stayed at Horesh, but Jonathan went to his house.
Saul was in hot pursuit for David.
Saul wanted David dead.
And he was doing anything he could to manipulate David to come out of hiding.
But yet, Jonathan remained loyal.
And he reminded who David was.
He reminded David of his identity in Christ, in God.
Because he said,
Well, no, you are the anointed king.
Don't give up.
Don't forget who you are.
Don't forget the anointing on your life.
See, and that's a mark of a very healthy spiritual bond.
See, Jonathan didn't make David stronger.
In Jonathan, he made David stronger in God.
See, a godly soul tie doesn't replace God in your life.
It strengthens your life in God.
And this is why a healthy marriage is probably the clearest example that we can see of a good soul tie.
It involves covenant.
It involves one flesh union.
It involves mutual belonging, sacrifice, spiritual responsibility.
And just because a bond is legally married, even though if you're legally married to someone, it doesn't necessarily mean that it's healthy.
However, here's the intended character.
It's shown through your agreement with God.
There's mutual submission.
There's faithfulness.
There's sacrificial love.
There's holiness.
Shared obedience.
Helping one another to become what God has called each other to be.
And that's what it's like to be in a marriage.
That's what it's like to have a close friendship with someone.
It's helping them grow in God.
It's not for your benefit.
And what you want is to help them grow in God, in Christ.
One of my favorite examples is in Acts 16.
It's Priscilla and Aquila.
It's a bond so strong their names even rhyme.
Right?
But you notice what characterizes this marriage and what makes it so amazing.
They work together.
They make tents.
They minister together.
They open their home together.
They teach Apollos together.
And the Apostle Paul even just has accolades for them.
That's an example of a healthy marriage.
I'm not saying that all couples need to work side by side.
It doesn't work for everybody.
But the point is that they are together.
They are united.
And they're showing and reflecting the kingdom of God.
Now, I want to make this clear.
The fact that every marriage is God-ordained doesn't mean that the pattern of marriage is healthy.
Okay?
Sometimes we need to work on certain areas of our life to work on that health.
So let's take a look at the opposite side.
Let's look at a bad soul tie.
Let's go over to 1 Kings.
If you can open your Bible to 1 Kings chapter 21, starting in verse 1 through 10, it says this.
After the following episode took place, Naboth, Naboth, the Jezreelite, owned a vineyard in Jezreel adjacent to the palace of the king of Ahab in Samaria.
Ahab said to Naboth,
But Naboth replied to Ahab,
The Lord forbid that I should sell you my ancestral inheritance.
So Ahab went into his palace bitter and angry that Naboth the Jezreelite had said,
I will not sell you my ancestral inheritance.
He lay down in his bed, pouted, and would not eat.
Wow, real mature.
That's great.
Then his wife Jezebel came in and said to him,
Why do you have a bitter attitude and refuse to eat?
He answered her,
While I was talking to Naboth the Jezreelite, I said to him,
Sell me your vineyard for silver, or if you prefer.
I will give you another vineyard in its place.
But he said,
I will not sell you my vineyard.
His wife Jezebel said to him,
You are the king of Israel.
Get up, eat some food, have a good time,
and I will get the vineyard of Naboth the Jezreelite for you.
So she wrote out orders and signed Ahab's name on them
and sealed them with his seal.
And then she sent the orders to the leaders
and to the nobles who lived in Naboth's city.
This is what she wrote.
Observe a time of fasting and seat Naboth in the front of the people.
Also seat two villains opposite him and have them testify,
You cursed God and the king,
and then take them out and stone them to death.
Oof.
Oof.
You see, unlike David,
Ahab was engaged in a very unhealthy soul tie.
And it began by marrying this evil woman.
Now, I want to be very clear.
Never in Scripture is Ahab portrayed as this innocent man
that is overtaken by this evil wife.
No, absolutely not.
However, when Ahab desires his neighbor's vineyard
and Ahab doesn't get it,
he gets upset.
He pouts.
He acts like a child.
And when he doesn't get it,
his wife, Jezebel, supplies the method,
engineers the injustice,
and acts through Abraham's authority.
So Ahab could get what he wants.
In 1 Kings 21 and starting verse 15,
it says,
Folks, that is mutuality.
That is Ahab already with an evil heart
agreeing with someone else who is willing to feed that evil.
Do you see that?
It's already feeding something that is there.
And it's not that they necessarily love each other deeply.
I don't know the relationship.
I wasn't there.
But what it's creating is this soul tie
that is reinforcing each other's rebellion.
And Ahab is providing the authority and the appetite.
Jezebel is providing the resolve and the strategy.
And they're just feeding into each other.
And together they institutionalize this idolatry,
this injustice against innocent people in their kingdom.
I mean, Jezebel did not implant every wicked idea into Ahab.
He was doing just fine by himself.
But what she did was strengthen
what he was already unwilling to surrender to God.
And that's where the danger in this soul tie,
this agreement came.
Romans 1 says,
For although they knew God,
they did not glorify him as God or give him thanks,
but they became futile in their thoughts
and in their senseless hearts were darkened.
Although they claimed to be wise,
they became fools and exchanged the glory of the immortal God
for the image resembling mortal human beings
or birds or forfeited animals or reptiles.
In our case, it could be money.
It could be our jobs.
It could be our family.
It could be ourselves.
Therefore, God gave them over in the desires of their hearts
to impurity, to dishonor their bodies amongst themselves.
They exchanged the truth of God for a lie
and worshiped and served the creation rather than the creator,
who is blessed forever.
Amen.
And just as they did not see fit to acknowledge God,
God gave them over to a depraved mind
to do what should not be done.
Now, this passage is not specific to soul ties.
I want to make that clear.
But what it does is demonstrates a pattern of human rebellion.
And soul ties, you can kind of think about it
as like a subcategory in this
because it follows that same pattern.
Okay?
So it starts out with they knew.
They knew.
See, God makes the truth plain to us.
And he does this through his creation,
through other believers,
and he does it through his power.
It is obvious.
Then they refused.
Even when the truth was presented before them,
they still continued to rebel.
They do it through blame.
They do it through their own selfishness
and through their own pride,
through ungodly actions.
Then they did the exchange.
They took the godly truth
and then they took the lie
and they swapped it.
Now the lie becomes the truth.
Now, has anybody here ever heard that phrase,
that's my truth?
Has anybody ever heard that?
I've heard some nods.
Do you know what that really means?
It means that my desires
have more authority over God,
so I'm creating my own rules.
That's what that's saying.
My desires are better than God's authority.
That is a rebellious statement, folks.
And when you hear those statements,
be on alert.
Because that exchange has happened.
Then the next step
is then they were given over.
See, we don't have a God that's controlling.
We don't have a God that manipulates.
He lets us have our own free will.
He lets us make our own choices.
He lets us do what we're going to do.
He lets us worship our own idols.
And when he gives us that freedom
and we choose to go that way,
he lets us go.
Does he have an ache and desire for us?
Absolutely.
Is he crying in heaven over us?
Absolutely.
Does he still love us?
Yes.
But he'll never force you.
And then the people approved.
Their appraved mind is so powerful, folks.
That they will choose to walk apart from God
and they're going to like it.
It seems right to them.
That's powerful.
Guys, sin is evil.
It's evil.
It destroys.
It kills.
It isolates.
It imprisons.
I mean, guys,
hell is not where the party is.
I hate that phrase.
Oh, this is where we are.
No.
Heaven is.
That's where the rejoicing happens.
So earlier I asked,
you know,
why do some people continue to make these irrational,
immature choices
while others have healthy boundaries?
Well, here's your answer.
An ungodly soul tie
does not always create the desire,
but it gives the desire agreement,
permission, and momentum.
Let me say that again.
An ungodly soul tie
does not always create the desire,
but it gives the desire agreement,
permission, and momentum.
That is the catalyst behind the soul ties,
is the agreement.
What are you agreeing to?
What are you hanging on to?
What lies are you believing about yourself
that you can't let go of that relationship?
And I hear it sounding like this.
It sounds like,
I can't live without this person.
Or,
I know this is wrong,
but I'm not willing to surrender it.
Or this one,
their approval matters more than obedience.
I know some of you,
I know some of you know exactly
what that feels like.
Or,
I will participate in sin
to keep the relationship.
What's happened to me
has permanently defined me.
Or,
I've repented outwardly,
but inwardly I still like it.
I still cherish it.
That's the agreement
that we are making.
And that's the agreement
that you see
when someone is continually
walking in those patterns.
But attachment alone
isn't the problem.
See,
family isn't the problem.
Marriage isn't the problem.
Friendship isn't the problem.
Sexuality isn't the problem.
Attachment isn't the problem.
Because it's the agreement.
It's the agreement
that determines
whether the attachment
is life-giving
or if it is destructive.
You guys hearing me on this?
You all be quiet this today.
I hope I'm not freaking you out.
See,
Ephesians 4.27 says,
do not give the devil
an opportunity.
That's right.
See,
that attachment
can give the devil
an opportunity.
See,
we all have weaknesses.
We all have temptations.
We live in a fallen world.
What's the saying?
The first 80 to 100 years
are the hardest?
Yeah.
Some of us
are further down the road
than some others,
you know?
But,
lucky you.
So,
even Paul struggled
in weakness.
Even he,
the Apostle Paul,
he came to the Lord,
he had this Jesus moment,
and even then
he still struggled
in his weakness.
And he wrote this
to the Corinthians,
2 Corinthians chapter 12,
it says,
therefore,
I am content
with weaknesses,
with insults,
with troubles,
with persecutions
and difficulties
for the sake of Christ.
For whenever I am weak,
then I am strong.
Ouch.
I'll be honest,
I don't like being persecuted.
I don't like being insulted.
I don't like facing difficulties
for the sake of Christ.
They're not very comfortable.
I'd rather just kind of
live my life
and do something fun
like off-roading
than my truck breaks.
But that's another story.
But that's not what we're called.
We're called to live
in our weakness.
And not just our weakness,
we're also called
to live in each other's weaknesses.
And that is even harder.
Because we can accept
some of our weaknesses,
but can we accept others,
especially those
who are close to us
that we love the most?
And I don't know why
it's the people
that you love the most
that are the hardest
to get along with.
And you're like,
why?
Why is it like this?
And that's because
there's a burden
and an ache in your heart.
But here's the thing,
is weakness doesn't have
to equate to agreement.
It doesn't have
to give attachment.
So if lust is your weakness,
don't deeply attach yourself
to somebody
who normalizes pornography
or normalizes sexual debauchery.
Instead,
find brothers and sisters
in Christ
who will walk through
with you
through these things,
through these tough places.
That is a good soul tie.
If identity is your weakness,
don't attach yourself
to someone
who manipulates you.
Instead,
find a friend,
find a sister,
find a brother in Christ
who will build you up.
That is a good soul tie.
If insecurity
is your weakness,
don't deeply attach yourself
to someone
who is codependent.
Instead,
get into a relationship
that has strong boundaries
and discipline.
That is a good soul tie.
Because freedom begins
when the agreement ends.
Freedom begins
when the agreement ends.
It begins when you
start walking in repentance,
when you start forgiving,
when you start renunciating
all the lies
that were told
and were on your life,
and you start applying
appropriate relational boundaries.
It's renewing your mind.
And most importantly,
it's walking life out
with the Holy Spirit.
It's walking life
with the Holy Spirit.
Folks,
you don't become
merely free
because the relationship ended.
You become free
when that ungodly agreement
ends in you.
Some of you
left that relationship
a long time ago,
but you're still
rehearsing that lie.
And what happens next?
Your next relationship
kind of looks like
the last one.
And the cycle continues.
And you don't know why.
Why do I desire this?
Why do I desire these traits?
You know,
why did that friend
that I've had,
acquaintance I had
so many years ago
continually fall in
to these relationships
that were destructive?
It's the agreement
that we make.
It's the lies
that we believe.
You don't have to
continue to walk in that.
You don't have to
continue to walk
in those agreements
because there is
a new agreement.
There's a new covenant.
And we may ask,
you know,
why can't I find
a relationship
that doesn't harm me?
But simply put,
as Christ heals me,
as Christ heals you,
you will become better
at recognizing
these unhealthy relationships
before they become
unhealthy attachments.
And this is why
it's important
to be the person
that you want to be with.
That's whether
a spouse,
whether it be a friend,
whether it be a mom,
or to be a son,
or a daughter,
be that person.
Because it means
when you walk with Christ,
you're leaving behind
that old agreement.
That old agreement
is behind you.
Now,
I want to bring
your attention
to the relationships
that we can't necessarily
get out of,
like a spouse
or a family member.
Sometimes they are toxic.
Sometimes they are,
there is some
bad agreements.
Well, guess what?
You can still be in that
without accepting
that agreement.
That's having
healthy boundaries.
That's saying no to evil.
That's saying no
to codependency.
That's saying no
to idolatry.
It's saying no
to sexual sin.
It's saying no
to anger,
to strife,
to conflict,
to manipulation.
Now,
the other person
is probably not
going to like that.
You're probably
going to get
some resistance.
But,
it's not about
pleasing them,
it's about pleasing
your Lord.
It's about glorifying
your Christ,
Jesus,
the protector,
perfecter of our faith.
That's what it's about.
Because if we
are pleasing man,
then all of a sudden
people become bigger
than God.
And that's not
what we're called
to do.
See,
a healthy agreement
is with God's truth,
but an unhealthy bond
agrees with the rebellion.
And we all
can make that choice.
see,
the gospel,
the gospel was designed,
designed our soul
for these deep bonds.
And those bonds
can either be life-giving
when they participate
in the truth
and obedience,
but they can be
very destructive
when they become
systems of mutual
agreement of sin.
See,
Jesus entered
our deepest rebellion
to unite us
with him.
He came here
and when we took
communion today,
that was a representation
of what he did
to help us break
those agreements,
to help us break
those lies,
to help us break
the things
that are oppressing us.
Because we all have it.
Not one of us
is going to be able
to walk out of this room
and say,
no,
I have no oppression.
No,
we all have it.
Because we live
in this world.
But we don't need
to agree with it.
We don't need to say,
I'm going to stay here.
We don't need to say
that this is the end
because it's not.
Because we have a Lord
that is willing to walk
with us through our messes.
We have a Lord
that's going to walk
through us
through our doubts.
We have a Lord
that's going to walk
through us
through our unbelief,
through our troubles,
through our trials,
and we can stand
firmly on that rock.
1 Corinthians 6, 17 says,
but the one united
with the Lord
is one spirit with him.
See, Jesus comforts.
Jesus restores.
Jesus gives life.
He builds confidence.
He gives joy
in every moment,
good or bad.
And that one's a tough one
for some of you.
because, man,
it's sometimes really hard
to be joyful
when you are really sad.
And finally,
Jesus gives us examples
of righteousness.
He creates
an entirely new covenant bond.
And today, guys,
I'm not here to place
judgment on anybody.
That's not what this today
is about.
But instead,
I want to propose freedom.
I want everybody to know
that they can walk
in freedom.
So let me ask you this.
What are you still agreeing
with?
Something other than Christ.
I want you to ask
the Holy Spirit
to reveal every relationship
where you've been agreeing
with something other
than Christ.
Where there's agreement
with sin,
I want you to repent.
Where there's unforgiveness,
extend forgiveness.
Where there are boundaries
to establish,
establish those boundaries.
And where God has given you
godly relationships,
cherish them.
Cherish them
because they are one
of the greatest assets
in your life.
And what's amazing
about this church
is we have come together
and we have walked
beside each other.
And I love that
about this church.
We love each other.
We hang out with each other.
We call each other.
I need prayer.
Well guess what?
There's five people praying.
I'm on the women's ministry thread.
I can't even type fast enough
and there's like
a whole prayer list.
That is a sign
of healthy soul ties.
That is a sign
of healthy agreements.
That is building one another
up in Christ.
And that's how
we need to walk in
because we are an example
of what's going on
in heaven.
Because why would anybody
come to church
and be a part of a community
when we're all
meaned to each other?
We need to agree
with what our God
agrees with.
And guys,
even I have to ask myself,
you know,
where are the areas
in my life
that I'm not agreeing
with Christ?
This applies
to all of us.
And so,
you know,
today I'm not,
today's message
is not about
how to answer
every question
about soul ties
or lead through
every sort of
possible ministry step.
We'd be here all morning.
But my purpose today
is to really help
all of us recognize
that relationships
carry a spiritual influence.
They carry a spiritual burden.
And that agreement matters
whether they're good
or whether they're bad.
And that there's some bonds
that strengthen us
in Christ
and there's other bonds
that tear us away
from Christ.
And those patterns
will destroy us.
So in a few weeks,
it's already on the website,
we're gonna offer up
a follow-up class
about soul ties.
And it's gonna be
more individual ministry.
It's offered
for both men and women
18 years and older.
You don't have to attend
this church.
You can invite friends
or family
that may be beneficial
and the men and women
will split at some point.
And we're gonna start
diving deeper
into these attachments,
into these soul ties,
into this ministry.
And we're gonna give people
an opportunity
to start, you know,
dealing with
what's going on
inside of us.
Because the goal here
isn't just to hang out
on Sunday.
The goal here is this,
everyone who attends here
is walking in freedom
and every week
is better and better.
Even if it doesn't feel like it,
even if you feel oppression,
even if you feel shame,
that that can be gone
in Jesus' name.
That this is a place
of healing.
Not just physical healing,
but spiritual healing too.
And we wanna give you
the tools
to start walking
through this.
So if the Holy Spirit
is showing something,
if the Holy Spirit
is bubbling something
up inside of you today,
I don't want any of you
to ignore it.
We will have our
prayer teams today,
but we'll also have
this opportunity
for this class
Saturday morning,
I believe it's
on the 22nd,
for you to come
and get help
and get personal ministry.
It's not public,
it's closed,
and I encourage
everyone to come
because we wanna see freedom
in each and every one of you.
So respond to God honestly.
Think about this
in the next couple weeks.
Because you all have a choice
of what you're gonna do
with this.
And I hope that that next choice
is freedom.
So dear Heavenly Father,
Lord,
I just wanna pray
over every person here,
Lord,
that if they feel
anything inside of them
that is an agreement
that is not with you,
that it is broken
in Jesus' name.
That it is gone
in Jesus' name,
that they release
that lie
and they exchange it
for your holy truth,
Lord.
And may your word
come richly and deeply
into the souls
of every person here.
That everything good
and everything righteous
comes from you.
and God,
I just ask
that you give
each one,
every person here,
bravery
to admit
that they need help.
That this is a church
that will come around
without condemnation,
without shame,
to help one another
grow in you, Lord.
And just bless everyone
as they go out this week.
Keep them protected.
Keep them healthy.
And Lord,
we just ask
just to bless them
as they go
and out in their places.
And all God's people said,
Amen.